maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
