Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
