Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
