She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
