My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
