Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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