my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
