Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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