sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
