Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize