I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
porn star boner night. come get it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
