The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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