I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
