Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
