And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
