I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
