then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
