he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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