how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize