Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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