I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
