I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
