You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
