The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize