I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
