gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
