Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
