my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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