Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no you cant smoke seaweed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
