Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
