Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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