I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
