Kareoke will never be a sober sport
false alarm. still invincible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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