Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
