Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
