No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
