the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
