this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
