Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
