I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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