she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
