woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
