i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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