note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
whose parrot is this?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
