i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
