I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
