she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
