she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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