I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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