I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
