I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
