I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
