'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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