Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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