And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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