Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
