this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
