I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
