You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
