I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
