I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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