If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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