Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
