Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
