My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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