My liver just broke up with me...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
