my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
