Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
