she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
