i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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