I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
