my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
