I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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