i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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