I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
