I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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