In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
