our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize