Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
