He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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