i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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