I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its not stalking. its research.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
