if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
