Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
