I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
