PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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