i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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