how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
