Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
