What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
