I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
