Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
