Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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