he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's get the cat blown out
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
