i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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