I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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