dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
