it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize