There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
