well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
